Lessons from Grey’s Anatomy

There is an old episode of the medical drama series Grey’s Anatomy where a patient presents with an excruciating headache. The patient frustratingly explains that on a scale from 1-10, the pain is always a 10 and that he has been dealing with this pain for many years. The pain has completely disrupted his quality of life. He is in so much pain that all he can focus on is his pain. A team of doctors run tests and determine the cause of the pain. He undergoes a life-changing procedure, and for the first time in years, he experiences relief from excruciating chronic pain.

Shortly after he undergoes treatment, and as a result of the treatment is no longer in excruciating physical pain, he begins to cry uncontrollably. He explains that his wife passed away years ago and that he was in so much physical pain that he had no space to grieve the death of his wife. He went on to explain that his wife spent her final years taking care of him and doing her best to meet the needs of his chronic pain.

This scene is impressed clearly in mind for two reasons. One, it illustrates the all-encompassing nature of chronic pain, be it physical or emotional. I am reminded that individuals in chronic pain whether it is loneliness, depression, headaches or joint pain, have no space to think of anything other than their pain. And so, I almost always offer them compassion, particularly when they present as being self-absorbed.

Second, and probably most importantly, it serves as my personal reminder that we cannot escape the discomfort of emotional pain. We may delay it with distraction, but it will not go away. It is akin to putting of an essential task or chore, it lingers until it is addressed. Many of us are keepers of our emotions. We try to hold in difficult or inconvenient emotions instead of setting them free. Emotions live inside of us until we fully express them, and will not just vanish.
Just as we tune into signals in our bodies that tell us how to respond to our physical needs, our emotions are also signals that require the same tenderness, care and response.